IZGUBLJENO S POGUMOM / LOST WITH COURAGE

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Ene tri, štiri stavke o kontekstu je pa že dobro, da napišem o tem, kaj se je dogajalo proti koncu leta 2014. Ob vsem drugem recimo tudi to, da se je zdelo, da mora konec leta skoraj vsak imeti svoj koledar. S svojim - ah, seveda tega ni načrtoval - je postregel predsednik države, z enim se je še enkrat več v zobe ruknil Murko, nekaj je bilo tudi takšnih (rudarski, recimo...), ki se jih ne bi branil. Kakorkoli... Hotel sem narediti foro, uporabiti ne povsem običajne fotke, ki so se nabrale v več letih, in si seveda malo - z vašo pomočjo - pihniti na dušo. Bil bi rit, če tega ne bi priznal.


Na internetu se najde marsikaj, tudi orodje, s katerim se da z malo truda prelomit čisto pravo knjigo. In potem ti jo tudi čisto zares zelo lepo sprintajo. In tako je v moje roke prišel Celestina - Come And Get Me, Photo Calendar Yearbook 2015. Ideja je bila lepa. Slike in zraven deli besedil komadov, ki so se nekako ujemali s fotkami. Ob printani različici, ki sem jo imel doma, je nastala tudi .pdfjevska na spletu. In to sem nek dopoldan ruknil na internet. In jo polinkal na tviterju in facebooku.

And then all hell broke loose.

Ok, en del je bil zabaven. Tisti tviteraški, ko je reč kar lepo zakrožila. Potem pa prvi udarec. O tem, koliko stane "trdi" in "mehki" Celestina so govorili na Valu 202, šlo je seveda za vezavo. Potem je bilo nekaj telefonskih klicev, tudi žlahtniških. In potem so me klicali s Slovenskih novic, ker so iz tega hoteli narediti zgodbo.

In potem sem začel premišljevati. Je vse tole res ok? Je res ok, če maham z ritjo s portala kakšnega od slovenskih medijev? Je res ok, če skačem v polprosojnih gatah, potem pa grem v studio in se grem resnega novinarja? Je res ok, če skozi eno vrsto vprašanj in namigovanja peljem svoje znance in žlahto, ki z mano že tako ali drugače nima ravno lahkega dela?


In potem sem v petih minutah izbrisal vse linke in zaprl račun s pdfjevsko verzijo koledarja in se zavil v molk. Seveda zadeva s tem ni potihnila še nekaj časa. No, vsaj "na razpolago" nisem bil več.

Pa zdaj, kar nekaj časa pozneje? Moram reči, da mi je malce žal, da nisem takrat malce bolj vztrajal in "projekt" izpeljal do konca. Morda bi moral zadevo malce bolj pripraviti v smislu, da bi sploh povedal, kaj sem s tem - razen tega, da se očitno razgalim - sploh hotel povedati. Ponazarjanje bizarnosti tega, v kar se spreminja naša družba, bi morda še uspelo, če bi se malo potrudil. Če se pač ne bi prehitro podelal.

Saj enkrat se bom naučil, da je dobro požreti samo toliko, kolikor res lahko ugrizneš. Ampak... Nisem pa prepričan, da enkrat ne bom pripravil nekakšnega "ponatisa" tistega koledarja. Še za nekaj drugega gre. Tudi za to, da mi ni všeč, da postajamo čedalje bolj zatohla in nazadnjaška družba.

Smo ljudje s službo, z veseljem, s prijatelji, z navadami. In tudi s telesom. V mojem primeru nikakor ne popolnim. Ampak kar je, je. In "comfort zone" se recimo lahko razbije tudi tako, da na polno narediš nekaj, česar tudi sam ne pričakuješ. Vržeš kamen v vodo in nato gledaš, kaj prinese nazaj do tebe. Potem pa naprej. Do novega trenutka, ko ugotoviš, da si spet ugriznil preveč. Ampak samo da je luštno.

 

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Ok, a few sentences to sort of put things in some sort of context. Towards the end of 2014 everybody here in Slovenia seemed to want to have a calendar of their own. President of the country (even though he claimed it was not his idea. As if...), some "singers", even some proper eye-candy. Some miners come to mind, but that's another story. So, I wanted to do sort of a joke, use some not-really-usual photos which had gathered over the years and - I will admit it - provoke some flattering. We all like that.


It is not difficult to make a proper photo-book (or a "common" one) on the internet and various services also provide high quality printing. So Celestina - Come And Get Me, Photo Calendar Yearbook 2015 came in my hands and there was also a pdf version, available for downloading. And that was the one I linked on Twitter and Facebook.

And then all hell broke loose.

There was a funny part to the story. The online one. The calendar spread nicely, it was fun. And then some blows appeared. A talk about "hard" and "soft" (cover) Celestina appeared on some radio station, a few people called me what is this thing all about, a call from one newspaper came, because they wanted to make a story out of it. And then reality snapped back in. Big time. One of the thoughts. Do I really add some insult to injury to my parents and friends, which - frankly - never had it easy with me.



And then, in five minutes, all links and posts and .pdf files just disappeared and I went silent. Of course the matters still lingered on for a while, but at least I wasn't "available" anymore. 

And now, a while later? I have to say I am a bit sorry I had not insisted for a while longer and taken the "project" all the way till the end, to present the bizarre state in which Slovenia had drifted in the past years, where only sort of shock or "improper" attitude get then nods. Well, I guess I shat in my pants a bit too quickly.

I guess sometimes in the future I will learn to bite as much as I can chew. Not more. But maybe one day I will prepare a reprint of the calendar. Just to show that there is more than just stuffy atmosphere here in Slovenia.

And there is one more thing. We are all people. Also with bodies. Not that perfect in my case, but that's how it is. And you can break your comfort zone simply by entering it. Throw some stone in some water in observe what comes floating back to you. Until your bite gets too big one more time. Well, just as long as it is fun.


 

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